If anyone in my past had looked at me even slightly the way you were looking at me that day, or touched me in the same ways you did, they likely wouldn't be in my past.
If I was anyone else in the room, seeing you looking at me... I would have thought the object of your gaze was the luckiest son of a bitch in the world.
What kills me, though, is I know you will never admit that it was what I perceived it to be. What I know it was. I will never understand.
I have looked for any little reason I can find to be able to stop these feelings.
I have looked for big reasons.
I can point to times you've hurt me, or infuriated me; outright handed me reasons on a platter...
I've found ways, with others.
I've never been unable to change my mind about someone or move on from them.
After over a decade, I'm still trying, and failing, with you.
So we press on, ignoring the elephant in the room, because the alternative is saying goodbye to someone who means everything.
For both of us.
At this point, there should be nothing left to fear.
But what do I know.
I'm sure I didn't see what I saw.
No comments:
Post a Comment